Familiarisation Visit: What to do and think about?

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We were invited by the company for a familiarisation week in Australia. It was a particularly challenging adventure as we had to find childcare for our three children in the UK for that week. Luckily, we had amazing support from friends. It was a busy week as my husband was attending a corporate management week and I spent the full week in full reconnaissance mode.

Planning Stage

  • full organisation of childcare for the week, including schedules of who does what and when…explanations of routines, etc. I had a full plan!
  • discussions with the company about possible dates, plane tickets, accomodation, car rental, itinerary for the week, booking flights and applying for a visa
  • looking on different websites and reading books about weather, culture, etc.
  • asking the children what they would like of their new school, visit websites of different schools, looking at pros and cons for different settings
  • Bookings of some appointments during the week: schools, nursery and potential employers by email or from a person who can help in the country

What I did during the week?

We had a very busy week, full of social events, professional activities and visits. It was quite a challenge as I have three children, in three different educational stage so I had to arrange a number of school visits. All very beneficial so I would not know what to cut out in the week. It’s long journey back so we slept then!

  • My husband and I spent one day together recovering from jet lag and discovering the area together.
  • I had a day booked with a relocation agent who showed me some rental and house to buy so that I could get a feel of the housing market in the area.
  • I visited 9 educational settings in the area of my husband’s work: 5 secondaries, 3 primaries and a nursery and picked up all the prospectus to show the children. I also took some pictures of the environment around the school to show them. I took notes as I visited the schools so that I could explain differences in the system to them. Some visits were booked prior and others not. I booked many visits during the week as I got to know the area better. Everyone was very opened and amicable to me visiting the settings.
  • I made contacts with estate agents and arranged to visit some houses.
  • Social events: We had dinner either on social events or some future colleagues most evenings. We found that beneficial to get to know everyone and create some great anchor points for the future.

What did I find helpful, glad I did?

  • We were very short with time as my husband had to go to another trip after our familiarisation visit. We debated plane journeys, shorter, longer, thinking of the children too. We found it very helpful to spend a day together before the start of the week so we could explore together initially.  I was then able to discuss my visits with him and he understood where I had been.
  • Visiting a number of educational settings and houses to really be able to make the most informed decision possible. There are lots of other schools in the area that I have visited, but could not visit them all.
  • Lots of driving about, getting to know the area. A Sat Nav was essential!
  • Speaking to future colleagues about schools and the area.
  • Going to the Tourist Information to pick up maps and lots of leaflets about future activities. More defined maps were very helpful when it came to choose a house to rent. I bought some souvenirs from a Post Office, some nice story books about Australia. We also bought some presents at the airport but these were much more expensive. These were great tool for talking about the area to the children. (Top Tips: Preparing Children for a Move Abroad).
  • Not to overload my week initially and add appointments during the week as I found  out more about the area. Allowing myself time to drive about and explore the area between appointments.
  • We managed to contact the children via video call most days or every other day, depending on time difference and activities (theirs and ours).
  • I enjoyed watching the news in a different country, interesting and different news coverage.
  • Although it was a busy week, social dinners were definitely a must!

What did I forget, should have done better?

  • I should have been a bit wiser and ask more questions about transport to secondary schools. We later found out that the schools we were keen for our oldest to go to did not have a bus route back to the house we had chosen to rent. Although we are kind of sorted now, it created some initial headaches in the planning the move stage and when we arrived here.
  • We struggled with me having a phone for the week so it made it tricky to make appointments. I eventually managed with WI-FI, emails on my iPad and the hotel phone, but it would have helpful to get a Sim card in Australia as soon as we arrived. Well, we tried but we were not successful, the system of the shop at airport was down so they could hand out Sim cards.
  • Purchasing presents prior going back to the airport. I had not been close to shops at all…

Overall, the familiarisation week was extremely beneficial and I am really glad we had that opportunity prior the move. It made it real, created some anchor points and a much easier adaptation when we arrived in the country as we know where we were going. I would certainly recommend a familiarisation week to anyone thinking of relocating a family abroad…

Not sure what to do with Australians’ Amicability

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Everywhere I go, supermarkets, educational settings, tax road centre, shops, people are so amicable and friendly…everywhere…People are particularly attentive to children, asking how the…

Source: Not sure what to do with Australians’ Amicability

Interview At Planète F

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I participated in an interview on global migration and citizenship. Please find the link below. A very interesting article in French (and an interview in English) which relate well opportunities and challenges for global families. I summarise here themes discussed by the different families in the article, very similar themes to the ones I have talked about here so far:

  • living in a different language, needing to learn a new language to communicate in an adoptive country and being accepted with a different accent
  • understanding your own culture versus new ones
  • knowing your cultural heritage and origins
  • similarities and differences between political and economic migration
  • needing to come ‘home’ regularly, leaving some deep roots behind
  • saying painful and emotional goodbyes
  • needing to reflect about opportunities outweighing roots and relationships
  • difficult adaptation and integration
  • technology helping communication with relatives and friends

http://www.planetef.com/dossier/familles-post-nucleaires/familles-migrantes-monde/

 

Not sure what to do with Australians’ Amicability

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Everywhere I go, supermarkets, educational settings, tax road centre, shops, people are so amicable and friendly…everywhere…People are particularly attentive to children, asking how they are in a very easy going way…

Last night, I went to the wine shop. I left my two oldest putting the shopping away in the car and popped in very quickly to the wine shop next door. Conscious of sibling rivalry and possible conflicts, I am quickly grabbing some bottles, 3 for $20…I am in a rush, don’t think about anything else…The shop assistant starts a conversation: “What will you do with the rest of your Monday night?” Completely thrown by this amicable question, I say: “I will go home and drink these babies, not all of it, but some of it”. He burst out laughing: “At least you are being honest”, and we laughed even more. The thing is I don’t know how else to react to such amicable behaviour by everyone around, so it looks like I am going for the quickest route, what comes to mind spontaneously, perhaps honesty…

This amicable behaviour everywhere goes a long way. The car broke down on a very tricky spot, where all the double carriageway traffic was getting backed up, a very dangerous spot, at the bottom of a steep hill. Children were at the back, wet from swimming in the sea and had little on, so they could not help. A woman got out of her car and said: “let’s get you out of trouble and push you up the hill a bit further”. She tries to push on her own with no success. Within minutes, 5 guys come out of their car and start pushing the car too. The traffic was able to move again. These guys all stay with us. We have a chat, what about next steps. I am a bit shocked, not sure who to phone, what to do, my husband is away in Paris. Three of the guys stay behind, have a chat. One says he has to go, but only lives around the corner and that if I have a problem to contact him. He gives me his business card and his address. I keep his card safely in my wallet. The other two guys say that they can stay with us for as long as we need to, take us home if needed. I borrow their phone (mine had ran out of battery). They initiate conversations with the kids: “where do you go to school”, “who are your teachers”, “is so and so still at that school”. Children have a chat…I am amazed, I think people are so amicable and lovely. On their own accord, children also reflected on this experience saying how they were amazed at people’s friendliness and amicability.

As my husband was going away, I had picked up a number of his colleagues’  business cards at his office’s reception desk so that I have contact numbers in case I needed help…It’s notorious that as soon as my husband travels abroad, something goes wrong…well, I am glad I had picked those cards because from the side of the street I was able to contact someone quickly to help with the broken down car…

This is where it gets funnier…A few days later, I present myself at the school reception to sort out some bills and ask questions about a few things. The school receptionist asks me to update the list of emergency numbers I had provided on the enrolment form…I say of course I have all of these numbers here and I write names and numbers in the appropriate places. During this time my son is standing next to me, not necessarily paying attention to what I am doing, looking a bit bored. In a glance, he then says “Maman, not that one, that’s the bloke from the street who pushed the car the other day”. The receptionist and I just burst out laughing, hysterical laughters to the point of crying…we could not stop…I was completely shocked, the guy had the same first name as one of my husband’s colleague so just thought it was his card…

Everywhere you go, people are amicable and also very helpful. Yesterday, at the tax road office, the officer had done all the registration transfer papers for me. We are just getting our heads around a new system, so he says “anything else I can do for you” so I asked questions about transferring driving licenses…again very helpful, answered all my questions in such a nice, pleasant and amicable manner…It goes along way because you don’t feel the need to be heard, or shout, or having to explain a problem over and over again, nobody is saying “sorry we can’t help you with that one”…

It’s so simple to be amicable..such an easy going way of living…Even though I am still not sure how to react to it all, I find it particularly pleasant and helpful…and I laugh a lot along the way! It feels healthy!

 

Global Citizens: Opportunities to Challenges

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Resilience, positivity, talents and dreams

Source: Global Citizens: Opportunities to Challenges

Important days: a social myth?

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Yesterday, I found myself celebrating Mother’s Day for the first time in 18 years on the same day as my home country. A heartfelt day as my mother isn’t there anymore. For the first time in my adult life, I would have been able to celebrate motherhood of my children and my mother on the same day…

Over the years, I have learnt to not attached so much importance to celebrating an important day on the same day. I always found some strategies to cope with not being there for Christmas, not being there for an important birthday. Over time, you build some resilience, you toughen up, find other activities to do as you are not visiting your own family, you build friendships with others in similar situations. This year, the social myth surrounding the need to celebrate Christmas on the same day as everyone, became even more meaningful. My husband became very ill and was hospitalised over the Christmas period. I had a particularly difficult decision to make, celebrating Christmas with him in the UK, allowing him to have Christmas all together, with our children, or flying to the Caribbean to meet my family as planned. Impossible dilemma…With reflection, it made sense to think that Christmas could be celebrated one week later…letting my husband recover in peace, letting the children have an amazing holiday with their cousins. Who decides that Christmas has to be absolutely celebrated on the 25th December? Isn’t the values and the spirit of the celebration that are more important?

Is it that important to celebrate THE day, on the same day as everyone else? The media attach so much importance on these days, and now social media sites bring a different dimension to it all…You see everyone posting about their experience of the day, it brings some feelings in you, you respond in your own way by posting your experience, by sharing how happy you are for others, or you let go completely, or switch off all devices…How to cope with all these feelings? There is also all the commercial side attached to all of it…you have to have a tree, you have to buy flowers, you have to buy chocolate and share these with your loved ones…what if your loved ones are hundred, thousand kilometres away…is it as meaningful then?

Visiting family on THE day is also affected by travelling abroad. Flight costs become completely and ridiculously unaffordable during special periods. Schools (in England) do not authorise holidays within the school term days. Councils have established a fine system for those who take children out of school within term days. There are also policies to increase attendance in schools as attendance is considered as being crucial to school attainment. As global citizens, you then become completely stuck between the dilemma of high cost flight fares, fines and penalising children’s education. As a parent, you then have the task to weigh this all up:

  • is it ok for the children to miss some days of school to access cheaper flight fares (against all odds as the system says you should not)?
  • is it ok to consider the family visit as equally educationally beneficial?
  • is it ok not to visit family at all?
  • is it ok to only visit when you have saved the high flight fares?
  • is it ok to think that children should maintain their cultural heritage and be part of the extended family for some special occasions?
  • will children’s education be penalised for non-attendance? could there be other arrangements made?
  • how often is it ok to take children out of school during term time?
  • how often can we really visit family to coincide with with our annual leave, school holidays in both countries?
  • could we spend a couple of months abroad? what would the school say about that?

and then, you feel that surely there must better ways to support global families, but it is easier to change your own mindset.

Over time, I have learnt that ‘I don’t have to celebrate on the same day’, ‘I will do what feels right to do’…it has taken some creativity. We have celebrated Christmas on New Year’s Day on many occasions. We have had Christmas days in the Summer instead. We have visited at Easter when schools in Quebec are not on holidays and arranged a two week learning experience in the local primary, a very rewarding experience for all. Technology over the last 2o years has also changed our lives…social media sites with chat rooms, texting, video calling and the easy access of the web: listening to the radio live, catching up with news on podcasts, reading papers on-line, have all made a huge difference to the way we can communicate with our family and friends and keep in touch with our cultures.

I have also learnt to cope with these complicated emotions in my own way, by allowing traditions and customs to be part of the celebrations, as well as creating new ones. For example, the children have become accustomed now that when a family member from abroad comes to visit, there will be a special Christmas moment, all of us sitting down in the living room, over a cup of coffee (to recuperate from jet lag), with lots of cuddles and ‘thank yous’. They cherish that moment as a very special moment and anticipate it with excitement. New rituals become very important and part of your own little family. For example, children will always sing Happy Birthday in French and English when they send their wishes to family members by video or phone call. We allow those new rituals to grow and become part of our way of living.

Only recently, I decided I really wanted to be present for a family celebration to see my special special grandmother who is now 93. I had missed so many celebrations over the years and I felt that on this occasion I wanted to be there. I flew over to Canada from England for a weekend! I had never done that in my life, but it felt right to be there and surprise everyone.

How was I meant to react about celebrating Mother’s Day on the same day as my home country, not sure, it took me by surprise. Yes I had a lovely day with my children, making our new traditions, in a new country, eating Japanese food we have now discovered which is available everywhere here and going to the cinema together. With reflection, although you may try to find strategies to cope with not being there for special celebrations, as a global citizen, there will always be some feelings attached to your home country as there are so many reminders that will make feel that way…media, commercial and many others…

Isn’t ok to ‘feel’ as it shows you are well alive, and these feelings may bring new rituals and traditions…

J’aurais bien aimé t’appeler hier Maman, j’ai beaucoup pensé à toi…

 

 

Packing for Moving Abroad: What will I need immediately when I get there?

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During the planning stage of the move, I felt I wanted a checklist to tick off as I packed, just to keep everything in check, perhaps similar to lists I had been used in my years in scouting. In th…

Source: Packing for Moving Abroad: What will I need immediately when I get there?

Packing for Moving Abroad: What will I need immediately when I get there?

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During the planning stage of the move, I felt I wanted a checklist to tick off as I packed, just to keep everything in check, perhaps similar to lists I had been used in my years in scouting. In th…

Source: Packing for Moving Abroad: What will I need immediately when I get there?

Packing for Moving Abroad: What will I need immediately when I get there?

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During the planning stage of the move, I felt I wanted a checklist to tick off as I packed, just to keep everything in check, perhaps similar to lists I had been used in my years in scouting. In this post, I include thoughts and my experience during and after the move as well as planning checklists for parents moving abroad. Of course, everyone has a different story (see Our Story and Moving Abroad: What to do then? for more information), we decided to move in a house immediately so my checklists here reflect this choice.

It takes a number of weeks for a container to turn up. For us, it took 10 weeks. Without a good amount of determination, good will from everyone and some essentials, life can soon be harder, bringing down times and difficulties… Ten weeks with three kids can be long so better be best prepared in the packing phase! The packing phase was long, thinking about it every day for 6 months, but also very quick as when movers arrived they took over the house and it all went very quickly from that point so better be prepared…

During the planning phase, a number of questions came up: essential items, what to bring or not, what to sell or not, fear of forgetting something. I include different checklists related to these concerns and a checklist of items I did not think about, where I could have saved costs, if I had packed it.

Planning

We knew we had a lot coming in the container. We did not want to accumulate too much and spend too much money so it was important to buy the minimal initially. I include a checklist of items that I bought within a couple of days of being here, real essentials.

When we started planning our move back in the UK, I initially wanted to sell all kitchen electric stuff. It then became all a big mountain to sell everything and went on to sell more essential items we had to sell. We had a number of discussions and debates about what to bring or not. Some items may be precious to you and others not, and you then make a decision about what to keep or not. On hindsight, the decision would be perhaps better based on what needs to be bought straightaway. For example, toaster, kettle, cooking stuff were a must. I ended up buying these at low cost, because I knew we had our ‘nicer’ items coming in the container, but should I have sold these I would have replaced them with ‘nicer’ items here. We decided to bring all our televisions with us. We borrowed a television in the meantime. Good decision because our television was really good and it would have cost a lot of money to replace it. My point is here that there are a number of decisions that need to be taken during the planning phase and these will inevitably influence your packing.

We decided to bring our sleeping bags and very comfortable camping mats to sleep on initially. We did not decide what to do in the long run about sleeping arrangements. We were just going to see on the way. I had sold my youngest’s bed as he was ready to move into a bigger bed so I was able to replace it here straight away. For the rest of us, we eventually borrowed beds or bought at a cheap price beds. We also bought linen. I include a list of items we bought at a later stage and reasons for these decisions.

Avoidable expenses?

After a month of being there, my oldest went to a camp so I had to buy warmer clothing, boots, etc. as I had not planned for this in our luggage. Although these are unavoidable expenses, if you know the schools where your children will go to, you may want to contact prospective schools prior moving to ask whether they have planned activities within your first 10 weeks. These types of ‘out of the norm’ activities may need different items, and knowing about them, you could be prepared for them and pack consequently. Similarly, I had to buy all new uniforms for the children. On the first day of school, they did not want to look different so schools could be contacted about colours of uniform (or on their website) and you could pack similar coloured clothes for the first few days, until you can get to the school uniform shop.

Weather

Research the weather and seasons in the country you are going to to avoid surprises. Minus thirty in the winter in Canada is quite different to summer in Australia, although happening in the same months!

We brought summer clothes with us, but by the time our container arrived we had needed some warmer clothes for different reasons: cooler days, evenings or nights, activities in the woods, camp, warming up after swimming, basic heating system, changing weather. Some friends in Australia helped us in guiding what we should pack in terms of weather and clothing. Although we had some help, we have needed to buy some warmer clothes.

Technology difficulties

10 weeks on, we are still having IT problems. We packed phones but these were not fully ‘unlocked’. It has been particularly frustrating as we were initially unable to get in touch with each other with important issues to discuss. My husband was given a phone for work within a couple of days of us being there which was great. We thought we had unlocked my phone in the UK but it did not work. Children broke the screen of my Ipad so I was without any communication for a while. We eventually found an IT shop who have been great in helping sorting a few things, but overall we have had problems and communication initially was tricky. Don’t assume you will be able to get contracts with a phone company straight away. We were surprised to find out that you need to have a been a customer with a phone company for 6 months before you can get a phone with a contract. Also, don’t assume you will be able to have a connection for WI-FI/television straight away. It took a while to sort it all out. In fact, 5 weeks for television connection!

Checklist/Essentials items to pack  
Clothes for 10 weeks providing you have washing facilities. Clothes for job interviews/work. Clothes for preferred activities such as sports, etc.  
Shoes and trainers  
Comforters and favourite books  
Swimming stuff  
Car seat/stroller  
Small packsack (for school/nursery, plane journey, days out)  
Camping mats and sleeping bags  
Pillows or pillow case (stuffed with clothes) if no room for pillow  
Slippers, pyjamas  
Cosmetics and basic toiletries  
Bag of medication: paracetamol, any long-term medication such as contraceptives (for more than 2 months); don’t expect you will access to health care straight away, registration may take some time.  
Electronic devices/laptops with downloaded films/programs for the journey and initial days on arrival  
International electric plugs (as many as you have, you will need them)  
Cards and presents from friends  
Paperwork  
Make sure movers do not pack essential paperwork such as passports, birth certificates, driving license, ‘baptism’ certificates, qualification papers, papers for your house and cars (if you are selling). Identification cards/papers you will need all the time, for lots of reasons. Although different important were sorted out on-line, we printed off the lease agreement, health insurance and visas; these were basically needed everywhere: registering with schools, childcare centres, medical centre, medical insurance, buying cars. For about 10 weeks, I carried a folder with all these papers with me. You will need identification papers for utilities and lots of reasons so best keep all these important papers at all time with you. I had them in my packsack on the plane, just in case our luggage got lost (It does happen a lot, trust me!)  
Bring with you, vaccination certificate for each child. I asked a full update at our clinic. Childcare centres and schools ask to see this and for children to be fully up to date to attend a setting (in Australia). I have heard some children can be denied entry to settings until full updated vaccination is done.  
Make sure your CV is up-to-date if you are looking for a job. Have copies with you; you may not have access to a printer straight away.  
Items I forgot/didn’t think about/could have saved costs  
Even if you are going to a hot country, pack some basics warm clothes. Speak to people about weather/read about weather and clothing  
Contact schools about special activities/uniform colours  
A bigger bag of toys/ Photographs/photo album to settle the children (see previous posts about my youngest who has found it difficult to settle)  
Sporting equipment that does not take too much space such as rackets  
Pack lunch boxes and water bottles  
Linen, duvet covers and sheets  
Towels/face cloths  
UNLOCKED phones…10 weeks on we are still having problems. Sell any unlocked phones before moving to save you time and money.  
Non-essential we enjoyed having with us  
Sonos: as soon as we had Wi-Fi in the house we were able to plug in the Sonos and play our playlists, a great comforter.  
Items we bought initially and a few weeks later  
Initially – within the first 2 weeks

  • As we were not intending to do camping, I did not think of bringing any cooking stuff. We got all the minimum pots, pans, wooden spoons, plates, glasses either from generous colleagues, charity shops or big surface store at a low cost. Costs can mount quickly. You could save by bringing with you plastic cups and plates, etc.
  • Towels/bathroom mats
  •  Toiletries
  • cleaning products, broom, dustpan and brush
  • Cooking/eating stuff: pots, pans, cutlery, plates, glasses
  • Food, spices, cupboard essentials
  • We also replaced some items we knew we had sold prior, not in the container, such as white goods (some brand new and some second hand, a hoover, a BBQ, bins (left all my rattan bins in the UK!)
  • Coffee machine, kettle, toaster
  • a few toys
  • swimming toys for the pool
  
A few weeks later

  • After 4 weeks on camping mattresses, we felt particularly uncomfortable (I was also worried about my husband who had been in hospital with a disc inflammation and still recovering) so we decided to borrow beds or buy cheaply on a local on-line selling page. We also bought low cost linen duvet covers, duvet and sheets.
  • We arrived at the end of summer so a few weeks later, evenings were darker, we bought some lamps for when the little one wakes up in the night.
  

Hope this helps anyone who may think of moving abroad!!!

Are we lucky?

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Many people have said to us ‘you are so lucky’. Other people have said ‘I could never do this, you are so brave’. Others have said ‘look at you, moving across the world’, ‘look at you a little girl from Mont-Joli’. People’s reactions to someone’s ‘luck’ is interesting…Would I say I am lucky? Definitely not! I never won the lottery, hardly ever won great raffle prizes…I see luck as something your name being pulled out of the hat, out of the blue, when your effort has been minimal.

I would be tempted to say that we have made our luck, or even this isn’t luck. First, we worked hard to get to where we are, qualifications, work experience, children, house, etc. There were a number of setbacks, not always simple to solve. We have had to cope with lots of emotions over the years, being away from our families, needing to be self-reliant. It has certainly not been simple doing a doctorate with young children and a husband working away.

Second, we have continued to be sensitive to new opportunities, enquire, express interests, be in the right place at the right time, building relationships, talking to people, inviting people over, putting ourselves out there in different roles for voluntary organisations… all of which have continued to make us attractive to employers as it shows resourcefulness, creativity and leadership…we could have chosen a different path. It is easy to enter a mould of being at home, ‘waiting for the bus of luck’; it is much harder to get out there create connections and have extra responsibilities. The problem is ‘the bus of luck’ rarely comes, it will go by…If you feel you are not lucky and looking for changes in your life, look around you ‘where am I needed’, ‘what could I do to help’, ‘talk to people about your dreams, talents and interests’…think out of the box…

Third, it takes a huge amount of flexibility to live in other cultures as you need to expect that normal routines, food, language, etc. will not be the same as your native country. You need to continue be open minded and discover new things every day. Yes, it is appealing and exciting but it can also be tiring because things are never familiar, it is always new. It takes adaptation to respond to these new demands and concepts. It may not be for everyone either as some people may prefer the comfort of home, routines and familiar people. Moving abroad certainly brings all the opposite. If you are thinking of moving abroad, perhaps it is important to reflect on the type of person you are to ensure that familiarity and comfort does not outweigh discovery and adventures.

Finally, we always see the positives in a situation or solutions to resolve a problem. Yes, there are moments that are particularly stressful and we experience difficult feelings too, but with communication and positive thinking, solutions eventually evolve.

So are we lucky?…well, we have been proactive, creative, flexible, resilient, self-reliant, positive. Interestingly, I was reading in Psychology Today an article about the 8 habits of Highly Lucky People (www.psychologytoday.com). The different habits explained in the text, be mindful, proactive, be opportunistic, be insightful, be flexible, be optimistic and think out of the box, particularly reflect my way of thinking about our luck…not sure it is to do with luck…